Still Running was commissioned by Tim Carter for his final recital as part of graduate studies at the University of Victoria. When Tim initially approached me about this piece, the themes of homophobia and gay identity were front and centre—we knew we wanted to make music that spoke explicitly to lived queer experience. The text for this cycle was written by Edmonton poet Matthew Stepanic, with whom I previously collaborated on “he opens”.
In Still Running, the six poems span a wide range of themes and emotions. “direct” finds the speaker in their Podunk home town, interweaving nostalgic memories with claustrophobia, while the music combines theatrical recitative with rich harmonies. “looking” is a blistering rant directed at Grindr and other gay dating apps, which value physicality above all else, and the music is a dissonant and aggressive flash in the pan. “how to be queer” questions the space for quiet gays in the community; the music imagines the speaker outside the nightclub, hesitant to go inside, occasionally interrupted by loud music as the doors open and close. “Sleep No More” is a dreamlike fantasy, punctuated with undulating harmonies and ending in dazzling fireworks. “Preserves” begins subdued, on a quiet evening date, but becomes increasingly excited as they begin to indulge. The music is woven with a wistful, repeating motif, eventually becoming unravelled and wild in the middle section—then ultimately sated and content. The final song, “Still Running”, is set on the night of the shooting at Pulse Nightclub, 12 June 2016. While the speaker is initially elated following their date, a homophobic slur brings them back to reality, acknowledging the real queer experience: fear and violence. The harmonies are bitter and aggressive throughout, and in its final moments, the music is abruptly cut off—we are all still running.
